I remember my midwife coming in and telling me, that when they took Aleah out she was looking at them. Which meant I would have had a back labor. And that she is such a big girl.
But I remember the worst was that next morning when the nurse came in and I had to get up for the first time. She helped me to the bathroom, but on the way back I almost passed out, things spun and I was in pain. But as each day passed it got a little better. But I remember them giving me pain pills and other meds to make me go, which I never did, and my stomach was filled with gas, to the point I could see my stomach move with air. And I remember not eating at all when they had me on that horrible liquid diet. I attempted to just drink Sierra Mist, but that came up, and that did not feel too good. I do remember my best friends coming to visit. Same with Will's friend. They sat there with me when Will had to work, and most of all Kimmie helped me a lot. To sit up, with Icebags, its amazing to know when you need your best friend the most, shes there.
The worst part is I barely remember coming home... but thats for my next entry, for when I write about welcoming her home.
As I sit here writing this, I just think to myself, there is always next time. Because as my scar heals, I heal internally and emotionally.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Happy "BiRtH'day" Aleah
Mid..December ...the beginning of my Birth Story.
Went in for my appointment.... This midwife I could not stand, told me on this day, that I had a lot of water weight and looked swollen, so she wanted me to come back for an ultrasound to check on the baby.
...Come to find out with that ultrasound, she had to much water, and so I panic! They made it sound horrible, like it was a bad thing. Well with the wonderful comfort of ones I know they told me its better to have too much water then not enough at all. That put me at ease. But there was something else my midwives were concerned about and well that would be her weight. Mid Dec, according to her ultrasound est. weight, she was 8.8. Well as stubborn as I am and the previous stories I heard, give or take 2 pounds, plus why sweat it, her est. due date was Dec. 29, why would I be induced now?! So they let me be.. I was going to do this like we planned, natural! She was going to come on her own whether she liked it or not! So I signed the paper stating I was refusing to be induced at this time.. but I did leave work to start my maternity leave and rested at our new home and went to my every day appointments... they had me going in a few times a week for fetal monitoring and ultrasounds.. but there was one appointment that made me unease about how all this was going to go down... and it wasn't going to be my way either.........
Her due date just passed. And well it was just like any other day... had an appointment for a sonogram to see her fluid level but that was normal, we went to leave and ask when my next appointment is. The lady looked at my paper and called the sonogram tech to see how many weeks I was. She then asked me to go sit in the waiting room for a second. So I'm waiting with my mother in-law and here comes the nurse... well this is when she breaks it down by telling me well the midwife would like to talk to you because your baby is 10.02pounds. Are you kidding me?! So we wait, nurse calls me back, takes my vitals and then says I heard you have a ten pound baby, lets hope not, I laughed, well vitals were normal...then i got my mother in-law and we went back to the room and the nurse said waist down, the midwife will be with you in a moment... I was so shocked with the thought of a 10 lb baby, I never thought to say no, and just went waste down undressed.. so were waiting, she comes, listens to her heart, of course its great, then she decides to check if I was dilating anymore,(I never went past 1!) ...at this point I'm hurting and well she was hurting me to the point i wanted to jump off the table.. she then tells me shes going to scratch my babies head... confused and too late to say anything she pulls out and there's a little blood on her hand and she goes you might spot tonight but that's normal.. then sits down to talk about inducing me. I could have gone to the hospital tonight, but no not happening my other half wasn't with me and neither of us are in danger and my birth plan is so strictly attempting not to be induced, nor a csection, nor medication unless its a life risk for either of us. she explains the risks of having a large baby. well I'm stubborn what can i say, but in the end says they'll induce me Sunday night.. explains how. I agree... but doesn't mean I'll show. I was going to think long and hard about this. ... call the fab doulas i know and come to find out that lady apparently stripped my membrane in a slick way. That now explains me bleeding and my back pains...I was uncomfortable that's for sure, I thought maybe this is it, maybe just maybe she'll come tonight. They comforted me though, made me laugh, and made me feel at ease again. So here comes Sunday... guess what I didn't go! Of course the midwife called after she heard I didn't show and said I still had time to go, I said No, I'm giving her one more night to come on her own, she tried to guilt me so much, but my other half was at work, and I was not comfortable giving birth with her, not after she completely violated me and "scratched" my babies head! I'll wait til' Monday morning and talk to the midwife I felt at ease with... to see if she would be on call...
Monday morning... my fave of them all Midwife called, she was the one on call that night, and with her comforting talk.. talked me into it, we were going to the hospital that night to start the inducing process. I was nervous, anxious, and embarrassed to let any one know I was going to be induced. Esp. the ones who have been here for me that I knew were against it.
I sent everyone text messages that it was time... as we drove to the hospital. We got there, late by the way, lol. Were never on time for anything, but that was okay, when we got there I heard a woman screaming as she gave birth to a baby, I looked at will and said that will be us in a few hours minus the screaming. I can do this, even though inside I was screaming... it wasn't suppose to be this way!
So eventually I got into my own hospital nighty so I could feel comfortable and they hooked me up to the fetal monitor. Will got me my last big meal prior to the cervadil and they told me they would just push the patiocin another hour in the morning.. I was okay with that, he got me my fav. meal from applebees! Well nothing happened that night, but my own mother calling so much, I had to tell the nurse, tell her to let us sleep.. I was having contractions but nothing I could really feel.(and still I never went passed 1). so we slept all night, they woke me up the next morning... and went to start the patocin, and right after they put the IV in my arm, the midwife came in and told me we cant give you patocin! You can either go home and wait it out or have a csection in an hour!!! The dr on call wont risk you pushing because of the babies size and the high risk of you 4 degree tearing..she even had her own story to tell about her 4 degree tear with her own birth, whether or not it was true, it scared me. I asked her to please let us talk about it. We called both our moms, talked about it amongst ourselves and well we were there then, why go home.. so we agreed. I was going for it, Will went to go have breakfast and well here goes my next choice! As soon as he left a swarm of doctors and nurses came to prep me for the csection! I was horrified and alone, I looked at my midwife and said get these people out of her please, I don't do good with this many people around me, she kindly asked them to leave and explain to me whether I wanted a spinal or to be put to sleep..and walked out. I called Will and burst into tears and told him I needed him, and to please come back. He came back but it seemed like forever. Well we chose the spinal so he could experience the birth too. And they then rolled me away without him....
...& here she comes....
As I waited impatiently for him at this point... I was then asked to bend over in an awkward way so they can do the spinal... I thought are you serious? How am I suppose to bend over with this huge belly in the way? My midwife told the nurse to step aside and held me close, then told me to breath everything would be okay, I jumped the first moment, the second time she held me even closer and before I knew it, it was over...Now all I wanted was Will, I asked several times... anxiously waiting as my body got numb and I laid on this table with my arms spread and a sheet covering everything they did. All I could think was he was going to miss it, the doctors lied, he wasn't actually coming.. and at last I heard his voice and he held my hand. I could breath again, not really these tubes up my nose were really bothering me.. and like the midwife said I would feel as if someone was pulling and tugging me and when the baby would come out it would feel like someone sat on my chest, and before I knew it I felt just that! As the nurse said 11:23am, its a girl, I anxiously waited for her to cry.. and then I heard it! They weighed her.. and she was 9lb 42oz. Guess they weren't so off after all.. Will then got to cut the little that was left of her umbilical cord. Will held her for the first time... his expression and emotions were priceless.. and then he showed her to me, my emotions felt empty... as if that never happened, she was still in my belly. Then he went away with her for her first "bath". As they sewed me up and sent me to recovery. I felt alone at this time, by myself, no will, no baby, just me and a nurse.. then my mom came in, then after that my mother in law came in, still I felt numb literally... but the most beautiful moment would come! They brought her to me all cleaned up and pretty to finally do skin to skin and breastfeed for the first time. And I looked at her,my heart melted, and before you knew it she latched with no hesitation. That was the moment I knew I was her Mama, and she was all mine!
"Happy "BIRTH" day" to my first, Aleah! (Jan 4, 2011/ 11:23am/ 9lbs 42oz)
Went in for my appointment.... This midwife I could not stand, told me on this day, that I had a lot of water weight and looked swollen, so she wanted me to come back for an ultrasound to check on the baby.
...Come to find out with that ultrasound, she had to much water, and so I panic! They made it sound horrible, like it was a bad thing. Well with the wonderful comfort of ones I know they told me its better to have too much water then not enough at all. That put me at ease. But there was something else my midwives were concerned about and well that would be her weight. Mid Dec, according to her ultrasound est. weight, she was 8.8. Well as stubborn as I am and the previous stories I heard, give or take 2 pounds, plus why sweat it, her est. due date was Dec. 29, why would I be induced now?! So they let me be.. I was going to do this like we planned, natural! She was going to come on her own whether she liked it or not! So I signed the paper stating I was refusing to be induced at this time.. but I did leave work to start my maternity leave and rested at our new home and went to my every day appointments... they had me going in a few times a week for fetal monitoring and ultrasounds.. but there was one appointment that made me unease about how all this was going to go down... and it wasn't going to be my way either.........
Her due date just passed. And well it was just like any other day... had an appointment for a sonogram to see her fluid level but that was normal, we went to leave and ask when my next appointment is. The lady looked at my paper and called the sonogram tech to see how many weeks I was. She then asked me to go sit in the waiting room for a second. So I'm waiting with my mother in-law and here comes the nurse... well this is when she breaks it down by telling me well the midwife would like to talk to you because your baby is 10.02pounds. Are you kidding me?! So we wait, nurse calls me back, takes my vitals and then says I heard you have a ten pound baby, lets hope not, I laughed, well vitals were normal...then i got my mother in-law and we went back to the room and the nurse said waist down, the midwife will be with you in a moment... I was so shocked with the thought of a 10 lb baby, I never thought to say no, and just went waste down undressed.. so were waiting, she comes, listens to her heart, of course its great, then she decides to check if I was dilating anymore,(I never went past 1!) ...at this point I'm hurting and well she was hurting me to the point i wanted to jump off the table.. she then tells me shes going to scratch my babies head... confused and too late to say anything she pulls out and there's a little blood on her hand and she goes you might spot tonight but that's normal.. then sits down to talk about inducing me. I could have gone to the hospital tonight, but no not happening my other half wasn't with me and neither of us are in danger and my birth plan is so strictly attempting not to be induced, nor a csection, nor medication unless its a life risk for either of us. she explains the risks of having a large baby. well I'm stubborn what can i say, but in the end says they'll induce me Sunday night.. explains how. I agree... but doesn't mean I'll show. I was going to think long and hard about this. ... call the fab doulas i know and come to find out that lady apparently stripped my membrane in a slick way. That now explains me bleeding and my back pains...I was uncomfortable that's for sure, I thought maybe this is it, maybe just maybe she'll come tonight. They comforted me though, made me laugh, and made me feel at ease again. So here comes Sunday... guess what I didn't go! Of course the midwife called after she heard I didn't show and said I still had time to go, I said No, I'm giving her one more night to come on her own, she tried to guilt me so much, but my other half was at work, and I was not comfortable giving birth with her, not after she completely violated me and "scratched" my babies head! I'll wait til' Monday morning and talk to the midwife I felt at ease with... to see if she would be on call...
Monday morning... my fave of them all Midwife called, she was the one on call that night, and with her comforting talk.. talked me into it, we were going to the hospital that night to start the inducing process. I was nervous, anxious, and embarrassed to let any one know I was going to be induced. Esp. the ones who have been here for me that I knew were against it.
I sent everyone text messages that it was time... as we drove to the hospital. We got there, late by the way, lol. Were never on time for anything, but that was okay, when we got there I heard a woman screaming as she gave birth to a baby, I looked at will and said that will be us in a few hours minus the screaming. I can do this, even though inside I was screaming... it wasn't suppose to be this way!
So eventually I got into my own hospital nighty so I could feel comfortable and they hooked me up to the fetal monitor. Will got me my last big meal prior to the cervadil and they told me they would just push the patiocin another hour in the morning.. I was okay with that, he got me my fav. meal from applebees! Well nothing happened that night, but my own mother calling so much, I had to tell the nurse, tell her to let us sleep.. I was having contractions but nothing I could really feel.(and still I never went passed 1). so we slept all night, they woke me up the next morning... and went to start the patocin, and right after they put the IV in my arm, the midwife came in and told me we cant give you patocin! You can either go home and wait it out or have a csection in an hour!!! The dr on call wont risk you pushing because of the babies size and the high risk of you 4 degree tearing..she even had her own story to tell about her 4 degree tear with her own birth, whether or not it was true, it scared me. I asked her to please let us talk about it. We called both our moms, talked about it amongst ourselves and well we were there then, why go home.. so we agreed. I was going for it, Will went to go have breakfast and well here goes my next choice! As soon as he left a swarm of doctors and nurses came to prep me for the csection! I was horrified and alone, I looked at my midwife and said get these people out of her please, I don't do good with this many people around me, she kindly asked them to leave and explain to me whether I wanted a spinal or to be put to sleep..and walked out. I called Will and burst into tears and told him I needed him, and to please come back. He came back but it seemed like forever. Well we chose the spinal so he could experience the birth too. And they then rolled me away without him....
...& here she comes....
As I waited impatiently for him at this point... I was then asked to bend over in an awkward way so they can do the spinal... I thought are you serious? How am I suppose to bend over with this huge belly in the way? My midwife told the nurse to step aside and held me close, then told me to breath everything would be okay, I jumped the first moment, the second time she held me even closer and before I knew it, it was over...Now all I wanted was Will, I asked several times... anxiously waiting as my body got numb and I laid on this table with my arms spread and a sheet covering everything they did. All I could think was he was going to miss it, the doctors lied, he wasn't actually coming.. and at last I heard his voice and he held my hand. I could breath again, not really these tubes up my nose were really bothering me.. and like the midwife said I would feel as if someone was pulling and tugging me and when the baby would come out it would feel like someone sat on my chest, and before I knew it I felt just that! As the nurse said 11:23am, its a girl, I anxiously waited for her to cry.. and then I heard it! They weighed her.. and she was 9lb 42oz. Guess they weren't so off after all.. Will then got to cut the little that was left of her umbilical cord. Will held her for the first time... his expression and emotions were priceless.. and then he showed her to me, my emotions felt empty... as if that never happened, she was still in my belly. Then he went away with her for her first "bath". As they sewed me up and sent me to recovery. I felt alone at this time, by myself, no will, no baby, just me and a nurse.. then my mom came in, then after that my mother in law came in, still I felt numb literally... but the most beautiful moment would come! They brought her to me all cleaned up and pretty to finally do skin to skin and breastfeed for the first time. And I looked at her,my heart melted, and before you knew it she latched with no hesitation. That was the moment I knew I was her Mama, and she was all mine!
"Happy "BIRTH" day" to my first, Aleah! (Jan 4, 2011/ 11:23am/ 9lbs 42oz)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)